I haven’t been sleeping well lately. This isn’t entirely uncommon, but usually I can identify a specific cause. Scary movies have been keeping me awake since I was a kid, so I don’t usually see them. Pain often keeps me awake and I can’t say I’ve been “pain free”, but I don’t really think it’s been that bad. Stress will keep me awake going over my “to do” list or worrying a problem, but that’s not what I’m doing. Drinking a pot a day of really good strong coffee (Jamaica Blue Mountain!) might keep me awake, but that was weeks ago.
It’s certainly affecting the basic thinking process and even more the creative process. I can’t seem to stay on topic or keep track of my schedule. I have 3 blog drafts started (this is the fourth) and I can’t seem to figure out where to go with them after the second paragraph. I had the annual meeting on my son’s care this week which I totally spaced until they called to cancel and reschedule. (Someone is looking out for me!)
When I struggle to get to sleep I often meditate in bed. That can cause issues for people with both meditating and with sleeping. I know plenty of folks who train themselves to fall asleep during a meditation. I also know that sense of needing to get to a meditative state before sleep is even an option. My trick for dealing with that is positional. I meditate on my back and I sleep on my side. It’s enough of a difference so that I don’t fall asleep meditating. It’s easy enough that I get the benefits of having relaxed in the meditation to fall asleep.
But this week getting to sleep doesn’t really seem to be the problem. It’s staying asleep I’m struggling with. The sleep apnea thing is always a possibility. I’ve been struggling with my panic attacks when I use the mask for a year and a half. Still can’t get through the night with it on, but I can take a nap for as much as 2 hours and that’s a huge improvement. So even if I go to bed using the bi-pap machine, I’m awake enough at least once, 2 hours later, to take the mask off roll over and go back to sleep.
I suspect that’s actually part of the issue. I seem to have taught myself to sleep in 2 hour chunks and then wake up. Now I wake up plenty even on a good night, but there’s a difference between waking up with, “What time is it? Is the alarm going off soon?” and waking up with, “pillow, switch sides, sleep.”
It could also be the dream pillow I’ve recently added to my pillow pile. I don’t remember my dreams well except the occasional dream I’m having as I wake up. Maybe my subconscious is interpreting making a dream pillow as a cue to make me remember all of my dreams? Or maybe I’m just allergic enough to the dust and mold on the herbs to make sleeping difficult, back to the breathing issues.
Whatever it is that’s keeping me from sleeping at least I’ve managed to find SOMETHING I can blog about for more than a couple of paragraphs. Hopefully by next week I will have gotten a good night sleep. I may have to have a chat with Morpheus.