I’ve been delighted by the signs of change, of the turning seasons, in my neighborhood. I’m trying to notice more, to be more present with the small things. After all, the only thing that’s certain is change.
In my second book, When Gods Come Knocking: An Exploration of Mysticism from a Deity Based Perspective, I talk about Deities tapping on shoulders and making demands. I say that generally when that happens the Divine wants something done for them. I maintain that the attitude of “I’m the only one who can do this” is hubris. We can say no. Sometimes we know we shouldn’t, but we always can.
In my first book, Manifest Divinity, I talk about building relationship with the Divine. When we work on developing and maintaining relationship sometimes that tap on the shoulder becomes very personal. The “tap” that I’ve been getting for the past year, louder and louder, has been “Change or Die.” Now that can certainly be commentary on the political situation, on climate change, on conservation and resource use. But for me it seems very personal. The action items are directly about my health.
I have made many changes in my health related patterns over the years. I’ve studied nutritional theories and taken on dietary changes that make a difference. I’ve looked at exercise and movement, and physical therapy and had limited success. I’ve addressed mental health taking a hard look at my self sabotage, getting out of a bad marriage and examining my unhealthy communication patterns. But at this point the change being demanded is dramatic and fast, a line in the sand.
A friend of mine died unexpectedly last week. We’ve been out of touch for several years. We had a falling out because I wasn’t kind in speaking my mind and she wasn’t interested in hearing what I had to say. Essential my message to her was, “Get help to change or die”. Now she’s gone. I don’t have any details, but I know she struggled with significant health issues for many years. Some of those issues are the same one’s I’m facing.
In my experience, when the Divine puts something into action there are usually multiple things being impacted. Often times we can only see one, especially at the beginning, but the Divine has a broader vision. Along the journey of carrying out the task we tend to touch many people, interact in many different ways in the world. We are often not aware of the impact that we have, but it can be profound.
Being friends with this woman, even for a short time out of the scope of our lives, had a profound impact. She was one of my inspirations to write. She was incredibly helpful, demanding clarity in my use of language when discussing spirituality. She gave me Ireland. We traveled together, because she needed a companion and I wanted to go. If I pronounce any Gaelic word correctly, it’s because of her. I am changed, simply because I knew her, and I will always be grateful for that.
But the time has clearly come for me to change as well. I have spent much of the last year exploring options to address my own multiple health issues. Although I recognize I have the choice to say no, I have chosen change. I have decided that I want to live and that I want to live more fully and actively than I have been able to do for some time. That definitely requires a dramatic change.
Sometime in July I am going to go through bariatric surgery. I’ll keep you posted where I can, and write more about my perspective and process. But if, in the next few months, I miss posting please hang in there with me. It’s easy to become overwhelmed looking at such big changes and trying to plan for all possible outcomes.
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