Monthly Archives: July 2014

Around Again

This weekend I received my “Happy Anniversary” notice from WordPress.  Apparently I’ve been blogging weekly for 3 years!  Who knew 3 years ago that I’d still be doing this?

Last year I wrote about 3 years being like a trilogy.  If that’s true this past year has certainly been a climax.  It also implies that this next year is a new start.  That’s definitely the feeling I have in my life, so why not in my blog?

book_when_gods_come_knocking_small-1I have so much to be grateful for in this past year.   You, my loyal readers, have been incredibly supportive of my journey!  My second book, When Gods Come Knocking: An Exploration of Mysticism from a Deist Perspective, was published (and is available in paperback or Kindle at Amazon 🙂 ).  The ending, and new beginning is marked by the bariatric surgery that went so much better than I had any reason to expect.

So here I am at a new beginning looking forward to another year of weekly blogs.  What will I write about?  Will there be new insights?  New friends?  New adventures?  I hope so.  And I hope that you will continue to read along as I write about my journey.

Thank you again for all the support.

Blessed Be!

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Initiation

Flowers from the hospital, because I have friends committed to cheering me up.

Flowers from the hospital, because I have friends committed to cheering me up.

There are a lot of ways to look at initiation.   The Online Merriam-Webster defines:

ini·ti·a·tion

noun \i-ˌni-shē-ˈā-shən\

: the process of being formally accepted as a member of a group or organization : the process of being initiated

: a ceremony or series of actions that makes a person a member of a group or organization

: the act of starting something : the beginning of something

This doesn’t really cover the sense of the experience, or even the basis of an initiation ritual.  In most cases, an initiation provides a shared experience.  Members of the group have it, non-members don’t.  In that sense sex can be looked on as a form of initiation, or childbirth, or Harry Potter’s Thesteral which you can only see if you have seen death.   It is something that all the “information” about doesn’t come close to having the actual experience.

Experiences don't have to be identical to be shared.  I had quite the visitors in the hospital.

Experiences don’t have to be identical to be shared. I had quite the visitors in the hospital.

Another thing the dictionary doesn’t give us is that sense that once you’ve been through an initiation you can never go back.  Innocence is lost forever and a new perspective is gained.  This is why magicians are so unwilling (as a “club”) to share their secrets.  We all think we want to know how the trick is done, but once we know we no longer experience the same joy and awe as when we are being entertained.  It stops being fun, unless you are “the right sort” that is challenged by learning new and better tricks and performing them yourself.  Then you belong “in the club”.

That piece: Who “should” be initiated?  Who “belongs”?,  is another factor in the initiatory experience.  For most intentional initiations there is a training and testing period to see how badly you really want this.  It also allows the initiators to get a sense of “fit” for the group.  During this period there are often teasing hints about the initiation itself.   “We haven’t lost anyone yet.”  “Are you sure you’re not afraid of blood?”  “How much pain do you think you can tolerate?” These are the kinds of things commonly heard prior to an initiatory experience.

What is being hinted at is that initiation is meant to be transformational.  Rituals of initiation are designed to shift consciousness and point of view.  Initiatory experiences naturally do the same.  There is a reason that surrogate mothers, teens giving their children up for adoption, and people who experience trauma’s along with pregnancy change their minds after the child is born.  They no longer feel the way they thought they would because in a real way, having gone through the experience, they are no longer the same people.   You can argue that this is a small change in the drama of the moment, but I would suggest that there is still a real and permanent change in how the event is viewed, in perspective.

I truly feel like I have just been through an initiatory experience.  I was tested prior to my surgery, challenged with dietary restrictions and pre-surgery preparation.   I was given horror stories about the experiences other people have had and about what I was most likely to go through.  I was questioned, challenged, in pre-op, about how badly I really wanted this.  Was I willing to let whatever might happen happen?  I was reminded that this was an elective surgery and I could back out – even at that last-minute.  Now I find myself welcomed by others who’ve been through this process.  I am adjusting to the “new perspective” as I begin to heal from the surgery.

Bee balm from my garden.  I couldn't get close enough to the honey bee to get him in the photo.  Healing takes lots of forms.

Bee balm from my garden. I couldn’t get close enough to the honey bee to get him in the photo. Healing takes lots of forms.

It is, as the dictionary suggests, a new beginning.  As I am only at the beginning there is still much to learn and a long way to go.  But there is no going back, only forward on this journey.   I take my small steps filled with gratitude.  I’m grateful for the overwhelming support I have had.  I am grateful for the skill of my surgeon who against all odds managed to do this in the least invasive manner possible.  I am grateful for my own history and preparation which makes the first steps of this journey easier.  I am grateful for all those who’ve been here before me and who continue to light my way.

Potential

It's all about potential

It’s all about potential

I’ve always been attracted to potential.  It’s part of the reason I’m so bad at “partner relationships”.  Always looking at, and comparing to, potential takes me out of the moment.  But that doesn’t make potential a bad word.  In fact, this week it’s the word I will cling to.

I go in for my surgery Tuesday.  Doing this is banking on potential.   I am opening the door to possibilities that wouldn’t exist in my current situation.   The challenge is going to be living up to it.  Paying attention, learning new body cues, staying alert and in the moment will be the only way I will reach that potential.

These pumpkins are more likely to reach that potential if I get some weeding done!

These pumpkins are more likely to reach that potential if I get some weeding done!

I am enlisting the aid of my inner child.  I want to play again.  I want to not be afraid to try things that I may not yet be able to accomplish, and not give up until I can succeed.  I want to dance through the next part of my life, regardless of the music or the lack thereof.

There’s a part of me that’s afraid of being that open and out there.  There’s a part of me that is afraid of what I will give up to achieve those goals.  There’s a part of me that’s afraid I won’t be able to succeed.  There’s a part of me that’s afraid I will.

The coven I work with gave me an anklet filled with healing energy.  There's always room for more.

The coven I work with gave me an anklet filled with healing energy. There’s always room for more.

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Life is an adventure in becoming.  Thank you all for staying with me on this journey and for your well wishes and support.

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UPDATE:  Surgery went well.  All the magic, prayers and well wishes worked and they were able to do a laproscopic procedure.  Thank you for the support!

 

UPDATE UPDATE: Surgery was Tuesday and I got to come home on Thursday evening.  That seems so quick, but it would be what someone who expected to go in for a laproscopic procedure would have been told was normal.  Again, despite the complications, I seem to be doing remarkably well.  Thank you again for all the good thoughts and support!

Liquidation

My lifeline!

My lifeline!

Preparing for this surgery I’m maintaining a low-calorie, high protein, liquid diet.  My mind dreams of salty crunchy, but that’s not on the menu.  Whoever would have guessed I’d get hungry for a protein supplement?  But my diet is not the only thing I find myself needing to “liquidate.”

As I prepare myself for this new adventure I’m inclined to shift a few things around in my environment as well.  I got this computer desk years ago.  It was the center of household expenses, school records, medical reports and any project I or any member of my family might take on.  I don’t need all that anymore.  Orion’s day program doesn’t generate the same level of paperwork that school did.  Karina is on her own.  I have a whole room devoted to my writing.  Really I just need a clean space to pay the bills.

You can't even see the hutch which is also over flowing with piles stacked on top!

You can’t even see the hutch which is also over flowing with piles stacked on top!

You can see, the clean space was hard to come by on the old desk.  That is one thing gone and something else to take its place.   In the kitchen the 40-year-old blender and the coffee pot have been replaced with the Vita-mix.   In my bedroom I’m looking at my clothes differently.  I don’t really need to keep every t-shirt  as it ages “for gardening”.  If a sweater has a little hole in it, it probably won’t fit me anymore next winter anyway.   Those stretched out sweat pants with holes in the knees are going to fall off and should probably land in the garbage.  I find myself rearranging my life as I prepare to make room for more living.

Much tidier!

Much tidier!

I much prefer cooking to cleaning.  I find cleaning easier than this sorting and removing.  On the bright side, I have noticed that not cooking makes it a lot easier to keep the kitchen clean.   I’m hoping that making things less cluttered will open up more than space.  I’m hoping it will help open me up to the possibilities that await on the other side of this endeavor.

Everyone I’ve talked to has assured me that what I’m doing is life-changing.  I can see that already, in the small things.  Even with the few pounds of weight I’ve dropped in the past 6 months I find myself more able to do things.  It’s easier to get up and get out.

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This week my women’s group is celebrating Vishnu.  The invitation says “Bring something to burn in Vishnu’s fire”.

They're all still wearable, just a little stained and over washed……..

They’re all still wearable, just a little stained and over washed……..

The idea is to make room for Vishnu to bring abundance into our lives.  Cotton t-shirts will burn, won’t they?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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