New Year

When the year starts off in ways that are difficult or annoying I like to think of it as though I’m getting the “bad stuff” out-of-the-way up front so the rest of the year can go off without a hitch.   I don’t really have anything to complain about.  I’ve not lost a family member, or been diagnosed with a terminal illness.  There have been years like that, but this isn’t one of them.

This year has simply set off the desire to throw a huge pity party.  Old habits I suppose, but the new lifestyle doesn’t allow for eating to solve those emotional problems.  This of course frustrates me even more.  Maybe the stress of the holidays and making choices and being challenged by food (and cold!) has just caught up with me.  Or maybe I’ve just spent a little too much time being sociable with my ex.  (Family gatherings and all that.)

New years day – evening – put the final cramp in my style.  I’d been sitting most of the day.  Too tired to move and too stupid to take a nap.  When bedtime finally came around (or rather when my ex finally came by to bring Orion home, and left) I stood up.   Then I walked around the house going “shit, shit, shit, shit……”

Looking good, but a little run down.  Is that right calf a little swollen even before Christmas?

Looking good, but a little run down. Is that right calf a little swollen even before Christmas?

I’ve had a blood clot, a DVT, before.  20 some odd years ago, in that same leg, as a result of my colon cancer.   With the calf swollen to the point the skin was tight (and I’ve got plenty of excess skin these days) and pain to stand or walk it sure looked and felt familiar.    I also knew that at that time, on that day, with the ex just out the door and Orion looking forward to going back to his day program in the morning it was pointless to do much that night.

I walked around a little more.  I packed a bag, knowing that a day in the ER was a distinct possibility and that being admitted, though less likely, wasn’t out of the question.  I brought my phone into the bedroom (because if I wasn’t going to be able to walk in the morning I needed to be able to get to a phone.)  I elevated the leg and tried to sleep.

The risks that come with a clot are a little lower for me than for most.  Because I had one, and still needed the surgery to remove the cancer, they installed a device designed to keep clots from traveling through the main vein into my heart and lungs.  It’s not the sort of thing you can have removed – I’ve asked.  Elevating the leg did seem to help, it wasn’t quite as swollen in the morning.

None-the-less I am starting off the new year with a “medical complication” and a whole bunch of new meds.  I have just doubled the number of doctors appointments I need to have in the next few weeks.  I have reduced mobility (just when I was enjoying being able to get around more!) because it still hurts to walk and stand.  It’s also bad to just sit so there’s a lot of up and down.

Maybe this is just a little wake up call to remember to continue to pay attention.  It’s a reminder to stay active and not fall back into old habits.   It’s getting all the bad stuff out-of-the-way at the beginning of the year so that the rest of the year can go swimmingly.   When you start from here the rest of the year is likely to go up!

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About lisaspiral

I've been writing and speaking about spirituality to small groups for years and am looking to expand my horizons. Hopefully this blog will inspire you to expand yours as well.

Posted on January 5, 2015, in Acceptance, Bio, seasonal, winter and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. Lisa, I’m so sorry to hear about this clot. It’s a good thing you recognized what was happening, though. Please give us further updates as this unfolds. I’ll have you top of mind.

    • All right, since you asked Andra, the current update is:
      There’s a new med, Xarelto, which I’m starting on today. This means no more shots and no more rat poison (warfrin) Xarelto does not require the continual follow up labs that warfrin does (yea!) But because we don’t have a specific “cause” for this clot, and because of my history the Doc wants me on this probably forever 😦 So we’ll see if I respond well and hope for the best all around. Thanks for your support!

  2. My friend started the new year by spending January 3 afternoon in the ER because his “heart felt funny”. Turned out he was dehydrated, but the upshot is that at our age, when we get these “wake up calls” to take care of ourselves, they are more urgent and a little more scary.

    It’s good that you are ok, and able to make a connection to what it is that your body needs.

  3. I’m gonna look at it that way too. I’m feeling hum drum right about now. I’m going to bed early tonight so I don’t have to think about it.

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