Re-do

1988

1988

It’s occurred to me in this past week that I’m spending a lot of time going “been there, done that” with this current health set-back.  I knew, as soon as my leg swelled up, that I was dealing with a blood clot (a DVT) because I’ve “been there, done that”.

I’m finding the same thing to be true with the weight-loss journey.  I’ve lost a large amount of weight several times in my life.  I lost 70 lbs   with medical complications before they found and identified that I had cancer.  Several years later, when I actually GOT the cancer diagnosis, after surgery and chemotherapy I realized I had to do something about my weight and again lost about 70 lbs.

.

Cancer and blood clot probably present but undiagnosed    1990

Cancer and blood clot probably present but undiagnosed 1990

The experience of planning to start an exercise program and being sidelined with medical complications is not new to me at all.  The two steps forward one step back process of building a lifestyle, or a career, or a new routine is the story of my life.  There is a reason I have the magical name Spiral.

This weight is where I was in my mid 20’s, when I got married for the first time.   As I go digging through old clothes desperately seeking something that will fit I am reminded of where I was in my life each time I crossed “this number”.   I may be the same weight, but my body is not the same shape.  I’m no longer in my 20’s, or in my 30’s, but I still catch myself falling back on old patterns.

Apparently I get married at this weight 2000

Apparently I get married at this weight 2000

Most people have “life lessons” that come around again and again.  The hope is that each time we confront these issues we have a different perspective on the problem.  Each time we are tested we learn new skills and have new (better?) ways to tackle our problems.

I am better at accepting the compliments when people tell me I’m looking good.  I’m better at recognizing the traps in the back-handed compliments (“You’re wasting away!”).  I’m much more willing to accept ownership of my journey and not depend on others for confirmation of how I am doing.  I’m much more willing to seek help and advice from others who have had similar experiences.

I’m less flexible – change at this age is harder than it was when my kids were little.  I don’t have as much resilience, especially physically.   It takes longer to take those two steps forward after a set-back.   As a single woman, I don’t have the same kind of support.  (This is as much a plus as a minus, depending on the day!)

My goals are different.  My motivation is different.  My perspective is different.  I may have “been there, done that”.  I just hope that this time I don’t do it quite the same way.

I still haven't mastered the selfie 2015

I still haven’t mastered the selfie 2015

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About lisaspiral

I've been writing and speaking about spirituality to small groups for years and am looking to expand my horizons. Hopefully this blog will inspire you to expand yours as well.

Posted on January 19, 2015, in Acceptance, Bio and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.

  1. You look great!

  2. One of my favorite of your blog posts.

  3. I think you look awesome, Lisa. Are you still feeling all right? No more clot?

    • Thanks. Still dealing with the clot issues, it takes awhile for them to resolve. I’ll be on the blood thinners for at least a few months. Swelling is down though and that helps.

  4. I guess this “one step forward – two steps back” teaches us patience, doesn’t it? And it does seem like the patterns come around for us to re-visit at the new awareness where we currently are. And it can be so challenging to truly fall in love with ourselves at every step of the journey–to forgive ourselves any limited awareness–to begin to honor ourselves at every weight. So good to be reading your blog again today! And to be looking at pics of you from many different perspectives of time.

  5. I think, specially with current times, we all have experienced similar spirals. It’s exhausting, he starting over and revisiting where you’ve been but somehow, we get through it.

    Looking good.

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