Monthly Archives: June 2016
With the long days and hot nights I’m not sleeping well. I feel like I’m spending my time trying to catch-up with myself. On the days when I’m busy I’m exhausted. On the days when I do nothing I find myself dozing in my chair.
It may seem counter intuitive given my state of being, but I’ve been looking for a part-time job. The latest news on the construction front is that the bank is worried about my income to debt ratio. That’s a good thing I suppose, to keep me from drowning in debt. On the other hand the work really needs to be done and I don’t have the money to do it. I figure at the glacial rate this project is moving along I may be a couple of months into a new job – enough for it to count – before everything else (my outstanding debt for instance) is settled to the banks satisfaction.
It was Friends and Family weekend at Gilda’s club. Orion and I went for our 3rd year in a row. This year Orion has acquired a new drum and he was determined to bring it and play it. We did cardio drumming. That was kind of fun. Drumming along to popular music on exercise balls in buckets. Moving arms and legs. Kind of like Taiko drumming for middle-aged women.
We also did the family drumming. That’s a slightly more traditional drum jam. Making connections to rhythms and a group apparently makes a difference in health and healing. Who knew drumming could be so therapeutic? Orion loved it.
We got to visit with friends, old and new. We had a visit from a fairy (it was a hot day and she was taking a break from the fairy garden). We had a lovely walk there and back. And when we got home I was (again) exhausted.
Maybe I need to drink more water.
The summer solstice is called midsummer. I’ve always wondered why. To me this feels like the beginning of summer. Here it’s come in like a rushing train. I’ve barely turned off the heat (nights in the 50’s at the beginning of the month). Now it’s in the 90’s with humidity.
This is the season of weeding. My weeds are all out of control. There are several beds I just didn’t get to and more I’ve not kept up with. Seems my other “projects” are conspiring against me. Or maybe the weather, it’s been rainy, hasn’t suited when I’ve had time. Or maybe I’ve got the midsummer all I want to do is sit in a hammock and read blues.
The change in light (the summer solstice is the longest day of the year) and the changing temperatures have totally disrupted my sleep schedule. Left to my own devices this time of year I’d be sleeping through the heat of the day and up all night. Unfortunately I don’t live in that world.
This is the pause after the haying, after the planting, before the big harvests come in. As I said earlier, weed season. It’s also summer salad season. I’ve made baked beans. I’ve made potato salad. I’ve got greens growing in a planter. I’m anticipating tomatoes that taste like something. I didn’t know if I’d be able to garden this year, but I’ve got a lot of pots around the house. I just have to be diligent about watering.
Orion and I went with friends to see Shakespeare in the Park. A Midsummer Night’s Dream seemed a fitting way to celebrate the season. Perhaps it is the season to dream the dreams, summer love, vacation. Or perhaps it is time to waken and make those dreams come true.
I went out this weekend. Not to a dance club, but I did go out. Karina and I were celebrating her birthday. We had a lovely dinner. We had a lot to drink.
Two women out alone. We were aware of our surrounding. We were sensitive to our impact on the other diners. We got home at a reasonable hour.
We were not afraid. Not really. Not any more than any other night out. It was a nice night for a walk. At 8pm when we got there walking from the car would have been fine. When we left? We chose valet parking, because we had the choice.
But there are no “good choices” that protect people from haters, predators, terrorists, rapists, abusers, gunmen. That kind of protection needs to come from the culture.
People who live their lives in love, acceptance and celebration of who they are are not “sick”. It is the people who go out of their way to make someone else suffer who are troubled. It is the people wanting to impose their sense of right and privilege, by force if necessary, who need help and healing.
The people killed in Orlando were no less innocent than the children of Sandy Hook. They weren’t causing trouble, or making “bad choices”. They were out, celebrating. They were living their lives in love and acceptance.
Apparently that’s not enough. The culture needs to change.
I often have a lot of drama in my life. I’m not really a drama queen. I don’t go out of my way to look for dramatic things to happen. I tend to underplay rather than overplay the things that are going on in my life. Even when I sound dramatic “My kitchen cupboards are literally falling off the walls!” I’m not dramatizing. I do know what the word literally means and am using it appropriately.
I noticed this week that the drama in my life right now isn’t actually mine. It’s rather refreshing. There’s plenty going on. My parents are exhausting themselves with their political activities. My daughter is working herself into the ground. I have friends in the hospital, going through divorce, fighting cancer, dealing with family change (dying parents, kids graduating). I’m surrounded, but it’s not mine.
It’s not that it doesn’t impact me. Last Friday was National Donut Day.
My daughter bakes donuts. Guess who got Minnie? I helped my parents out where I could with accessibility issues. I take late night phone calls from my friends. I can do that, because right now it’s not my drama.
Orion spent the weekend with his Reach for Resources gang, so I was on my own schedule rather than his. I went out to eat Friday (with a friend who needed an ear), Saturday (with my parents who needed a ride), and Sunday (to celebrate a birthday). I got a couple long leisurely baths, a late morning sleep-in, and the opportunity to putter without feeling the need to accomplish anything in particular.
I’m finding compassion much easier when I’m not also overwhelmed. “Not my circus, not my monkeys.” gives me the opportunity to listen, be a resource, and also set my own boundaries. I can be available without being “caught up” in the drama. I am grateful!