Monthly Archives: January 2017

Overwhelmed

photo by Nick Gatel   popupbackpacker.com

photo by Nick Gatel popupbackpacker.com

Yesterday was one of those days when I needed to give myself points just for getting dressed.   I meant to post a blog.  I had started one about a weekend worth of celebrations.    I had started one about the immigration ban.  I had started one about Imbolc and the winter thaw.   I just couldn’t manage to bring any of those topics into a coherent, cohesive whole.

I needed an ostrich day.  A day to curl up and put my head in the sand.  A day to pretend the world didn’t matter.  I didn’t talk to friends.  I didn’t get to my “to do” list.  I stuck my head in a book, turned on Netflix, and played games on the computer.

We all need an occasional day like that.   Right now there are many people who are practicing civil disobedience.  There are many people who are truly threatened by the political climate.  There are many who are suffering cognitive dissonance working to convince themselves that what they see, what they say,  means something else.  My Facebook feed is full of posts saying “maybe I should take a break from Facebook”

Sometimes we need to just take the time and space to actually feel our feelings.  There can be so much going on in our lives that our emotions become a jumble and we don’t know where we stand or what we think.  Allowing ourselves a moment to come back to our own center, without being battered about by our circumstances, can recharge us.   Taking time can allows us to be more effective in the world.

Unfortunately, sometimes those ostrich days make me feel worse rather than better.  It’s too easy to get into the cycle of self blame and guilt.  It’s easy to start thinking of all “better” ways to have used the time.  We live in a culture that has no patience for this kind of “time out”, and we carry that culture with us into our “time out” space.

It’s my Daily Practice that gets me through.   I get dressed.  Then, since I’m dressed I might throw in a load of laundry or run out to the mailbox.   I make my bed.  Then, since I really appreciate having the bed made I might tidy up someplace else in the house.   I do my language lesson.  Then, since I really do want a vacation, I might balance the checkbook or pack a bag or make a fun meal or even just tend to my seasonal spaces.

Doing the small Daily Practices I know I’m not lost in a hole.  I am not entirely overwhelmed.  I’m just taking some time out.  Doing the Daily Practices I have a springboard to reconnect, to move forward.  Doing the Daily Practices I am reminded to have compassion for myself.  I am reminded to appreciate what I do, and accept that I can not accomplish everything.

Daily Practice becomes a kindness to myself.  Doing Daily Practice is a magical act of transformation.  It’s not always apparent that Daily Practice is doing anything.  (That’s one of the reason “Daily Practice Sucks”)  But ultimately we practice so that when we need something to be easy, when we don’t have the time or energy, when we are looking for a lifeline we have the Daily Practice to lean on.

Advertisements

Escape

It’s been a very busy week in the country.   Goodbye to our first black first family.  Hello to a new president followed by the largest protest ever launched in America.   In fact, protesting our new president and his anti-women, anti-civil rights agenda was a world wide event.

At times like these it can seem easier to just put your head in the sand.  To turn off, tune out and escape the madness that surrounds us.  Unfortunately, that kind of escapism historically leads to even worse problems, even more oppression.   There’s a reason the poem is popular:

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

Pastor Martin Niemoller

Still, even the most dedicated activists need a little break.  So we turn on the TV, we read a book, we go to the movies, or the theater   Time out can be mindless, but it can also be mind expanding.  Star Trek aired the first interracial kiss,  Will and Grace increased awareness and acceptance of the gay community.  Hamilton not only educates us on our history but examplifies colorblind casting and the actual immigrant experience that has made America what it is today.   Many people had never heard of Turing until The Imitation Game.  Even fewer were aware of the women – human computers – who helped put our men in space.       hidden-figures-poster

I got to see Hidden Figures this weekend.  What a remarkable piece of American history – good and bad.  This movie demonstrates some of the underlying complaints I hear about everything that happened this weekend.   This “separate and not anywhere near equal” is the America our president things was great.  This white feminism has no room for black women becomes blatantly apparent in historical context.  That “keep your head down and don’t cause trouble” doesn’t create change that needs to happen is obvious in hindsight.

Uppity women, demanding a place at the table, demanding to be heard plays better with a good screen writer.  But those women are still out there in our workplaces.  Angry black women may not have to find a colored bathroom, but that doesn’t mean they are welcomed when they come in, they’re almost as scary as transgendered women!  The education disparity continues to be enormous, resources available to white children are just “not in the budget” for children of color.  Is it any wonder resourceful kids will do anything to get ahead of the game?

This year I’m seeing a lot of reading challenges.   Lists to encourage people to use their escape time to expand their point of view.  So I’m also taking on a challenge.  I’m back reviewing books on lisaspiralreads. There are already 50 book reviews there, and I’m challenging myself to review another 50 this year.  I’m trying to tag and categorize to fit the reading challenge requirements I’ve been seeing.   Check it out!

Hope you use your escape wisely!

 

Civil Rights

Today is a national day of recognition for the civil rights movement.   Here are some, perhaps less familiar excerpts from great speakers about civil rights:

But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt.  We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation.

It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro’s legitimate discontent  will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality.  1963 is not an end, but a beginning.brand_bio_bio_martin-luther-king-jr-mini-biography_0_172243_sf_hd_768x432-16x9

There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, “When will you be satisfied?”  We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality.  We can never be satisfied  as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities.  We cannot be satisfied as long as the Negro’s basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one.  We can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their selfhood and robbed of their dignity by signs stating for whites only.  We cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote.  No, no, we are not satisfied and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters  and righteousness like a mighty stream

From:  Martin Luther King – I have a dream

In the white community, the path to a more perfect union means acknowledging that what ails the African-American community does not just exist in the minds of black people; that the legacy of discrimination – and current incidents of discrimination, while less overt than in the past – are real and must be addressed. Not just with words, but with deeds – by investing in our schools and our communities; by enforcing our civil rights laws and ensuring fairness in our criminal justice system; by providing this generation with ladders of opportunity that were unavailable for previous generations. It requires all Americans to realize that your dreams do not have to come at the expense of my dreams; that investing in the health, welfare, and education of black and brown and white children will ultimately help all of America prosper.

“Not this time.” This time we want to talk about the crumbling schools that are stealing the future of black children and white children and Asian children and Hispanic children and Native American children. This time we want to reject the cynicism that tells us that these kids can’t learn; that those kids who don’t look like us are somebody else’s problem. The children of America are not those kids, they are our kids, and we will not let them fall behind in a 21st century economy. Not this time.presidentobamancc

This time we want to talk about how the lines in the Emergency Room are filled with whites and blacks and Hispanics who do not have health care; who don’t have the power on their own to overcome the special interests in Washington, but who can take them on if we do it together.

This time we want to talk about the shuttered mills that once provided a decent life for men and women of every race, and the homes for sale that once belonged to Americans from every religion, every region, every walk of life. This time we want to talk about the fact that the real problem is not that someone who doesn’t look like you might take your job; it’s that the corporation you work for will ship it overseas for nothing more than a profit.

This time we want to talk about the men and women of every color and creed who serve together, and fight together, and bleed together under the same proud flag. We want to talk about how to bring them home from a war that never should’ve been authorized and never should’ve been waged, and we want to talk about how we’ll show our patriotism by caring for them, and their families, and giving them the benefits they have earned.

From: Barack Obama – A More Perfect Union

A free bird leaps
on the back of the wind
and floats downstream
till the current ends
and dips his wing
in the orange sun rays
and dares to claim the sky.
But a bird that stalks maya_branding-box
down his narrow cage
can seldom see through
his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and
his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.
The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom.
The free bird thinks of another breeze
and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn bright lawn
and he names the sky his own
But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.
The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom.
Maya Angelou – Caged Bird
Civil rights continue to be at issue in our country.  Let’s not just give lip service to a dream, but work towards ensuring that all people in this great land have opportunity, education, medical care, and a voice that is not silenced by corporate money.
Happy Martin Luther King Day

Maintenance

At least driving makes me work harder at keeping the inside clean!

At least driving makes me work harder at keeping the inside clean!

My car was due for an oil change.  Overdue technically, but not by much.   I have always been diligent about the oil change maintenance.

Thing is, technology is changed.   When I first bought the car, the first time I took it in for an oil change I was told the rules are different.  With new systems and synthetic oils instead of 3 months/3,000 miles it is annually or 10,000 miles.   I can’t keep track of that!

But now I’m driving for Uber and Lyft and racking up the miles on my car.  It seems like I’m back at about 3 months.  Maybe that’s just my perception.  Maybe I’m reaching for the familiar.  In any case I took the car in for routine maintenance.

Which of course got me thinking about maintenance.  In my home there are places that I’m pretty good about doing routine things:  laundry, dishes, paying the bills.  There are things that are beyond me (My kitchen cupboards are empty, but still almost a year later falling off the walls.  Don’t talk to me about banks!)  There are a lot of things that fall in between (like cleaning the oven and scrubbing the floors).

I thought about the blog I wrote last week, and reconnecting with friends.  Relationships require a certain amount of maintenance as well.  I’m not great about keeping in touch.  I’m less likely to make a call just to say hi.  On the other hand I’m likely to show up in an emergency or send a hand written note in a get well card.  Different skills sets I suppose.

Then I thought about general health maintenance.  The annual physicals got crammed in between Thanksgiving and New Years.  The letters keep coming from the insurance companies about which of my prescriptions they’ve decided not to cover.  I’m still doing allergy shots.  I do have some long term maintenance things here.  Mammograms and colonoscopies are not even annual events any more.  The rules change.

I come back to daily practice.  When I’m doing daily practice maintenance seems to get done, both on the long and short term.  When I let daily practice slide, everything seems to go downhill along with it.  When the rules change sometimes the daily practice needs to change, but that’s different from letting it go altogether.

Life happens.  Entropy happens.  Maintenance is necessary and unavoidable.  So I work on keeping up the calendar and consulting it daily.  I work on tucking in a small home maintenance job daily.  I juggle my appointments and phone calls and try to be available for my friends.

Small jobs, like packing up the holiday decorations.....

Small jobs, like packing up the holiday decorations…..

I also remember that the alternative to maintenance is crisis.  I don’t need that.  Maintaining to avoid it is worth a little gratitude.  Maybe a daily practice worth.

2017

resized_20161231_190721It’s a New Year!

I don’t make New Year’s resolutions for a lot of reasons.  The biggest is that I don’t keep them, so why make them.  Not that I object to having goals and dreams, but that success builds on success.

I’m much happier with big dreams and small achievable goals than with the notion of creating a resolution for change at a time of year when I’m already reeling.  I find it difficult to start something new at the same time that I’m trying to re-coop – (physically and financially) from the holiday hoopla.

This particular year, this particular “cultural transition” from 2016 to 2017 has been filled with a lot of public angst.  The notion that 2016 was “so bad” that 2017 “has to be better”.   I’ve always been reluctant to tempt fate that way.

There’s a lot of fear going into 2017.  I’ve written about a shift in tone in human interactions.  I’ve talked about the disenfranchised who feel particularly targeted and threatened by the new political climate.  I’ve got personal fears as well, with aging parents and tightening purse strings.  My “safety nets” are not what they used to be.

Our host with a wonderful root vegetable bisque

Our host with a wonderful root vegetable bisque

Sometimes I think I talk because I need to hear what I am saying.   I talk (and write) a lot about practicing gratitude to fight depression.  Fortunately I got to spend New Years Eve with some lovely people who chose to apply that practice.

It was an event designed to set the tone for 2017.  The dinner guests were chosen specifically to suit our host’s preferences.  No one was there “just because”.   The decor was elegant, the food abundant, exotic, and heart warmingly delicious, and the atmosphere both festive and a little nostalgic.  There was warmth and laughter and acceptance and I was grateful to be included.

When the champagne was poured we went around the table and each had to talk about something wonderful that happened for them in 2016.  There were several people who had milestone moments that they could point to.  A few of the guests spoke of unexpected opportunities that had become available to them.  Clearly, Facebook memes aside, not everyone had a horrible year.

I didn’t have a “horrible” year either, but I did have a really difficult time finding something to be grateful for.  Then I stopped going over the events of the year that I recalled (most of which were attached in some way to a funeral) and looked at the room.

The chef extrodinaire (and my daughter :)  )

The chef extrodinaire (and my daughter 🙂 )

I got to have a night out.   I got to have a few days without Orion in tow.   I got to have a beautiful fancy dinner that I didn’t have to pay for.  I got to have an opportunity to dig up the dress-up clothes.   I got to reconnect with a friend (our host) and acknowledge that connection with hope to deepen our relationship in the future.  I got to have fun.   I got to be in the room.

Then I looked back at the year at all the other friends I’ve connected with.  I looked at the new friendships I’ve worked at strengthening.  I looked at all the “rooms” where I’ve had the privilege of being included.  There have been a lot.  Even those funerals provided opportunities for me to reconnect.

This is what I’m grateful for and what I hope to find more of in 2017.  Connection.

Desert - a butterscotch silk with sparkles.   Hope 2017 sparkles as well.

Desert – a butterscotch silk with sparkles. Hope 2017 sparkles as well.

Happy New Year!

%d bloggers like this: