Monthly Archives: April 2017

Support

This is what “I don’t have any food in the house, I don’t feel like cooking” looked like this weekend. Sometimes support means being kind to yourself.

I’ve been thinking a lot about support.  I’ve looked at some of the ways I give support, the ways I ask (or don’t ask) for support, and about the kind of support I need.   I’d like to think I’m aware of how much support I am given in my daily life.  I am grateful for that support.

I see more and more posting on social media in judgement of support.  Things like, “If you don’t march you can’t say you support the cause.” or “Marching doesn’t do anything, if you really want to support change….”  My feed is full of articles about what it means to be an ally, and what it doesn’t.  I am watching a heated and emotional battle that demands choosing sides.  Once you’ve chosen a side ANY sympathy, compassion, or points given to the other side is a betrayal.  There is no room for exploring nuance in that kind of “debate.”

I have often been offered support that really wasn’t very supportive.  There are a lot of reasons that happens.  Sometimes I’m just not ready to accept support.  Sometimes I’m not willing to be vulnerable enough to need support from that particular person.  Sometimes it’s help for something I’m quite capable of doing myself (as long as I don’t need to do that other thing I really can’t do alone.)   I have been offered support that makes demands of me.  I have been offered support that is well intentioned but not in my best interest.

Orion in his No DAPL hoodie visiting his sister at work. Sometimes support can be fun.

Most of the time I still find a way to be grateful for the intention.  However, I have also been known to explode and shut my “supporters” down.  Over the years I’ve come to recognize that most people offer support based on their experience.  They offer the kind of comfort they would like.  They offer the kind of hands on labor they are comfortable with, or skilled at.  They present things they have been told worked for other people they know in “the same” shape.

Sometimes people offer support to feed their own egos.  Sometimes people are sure they know best, and they won’t listen.  But most people are willing and able to have a conversation about support, and what that might look like in any particular situation.  The problem is, often when support is necessary the conversation itself becomes too much for the person in need to handle.

Sometimes one of the best ways to be supportive is to be willing to intervene and educate the well intentioned but misguided supporters.  I’ve done that.  This week I’ve seen that done for me.  It doesn’t always help, but it is very much appreciated.

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Routine

There’s no internet at my parent’s house. But they are still there and I’m grateful for the time we have.

Routines, we all have them.  From the little rituals that get us going in the morning to the major cleaning, exercising, and vacation planning our routines help us get things done.  The problem is that we can be assured that our routines will, at some point, be disrupted.

Disruptions come in many forms.  An illness or injury can throw routines into a jumble.  Taking a trip or having guests will put pressure on our schedules.  Even something as simple as a change in the weather, or season, can throw a routine into chaos.

I feel as though I’ve been living in the land of disrupted routines.  Even when I think I have a handle on it something else seems to rear its ugly head and throw me off my balance.  I’ve been out of town (and not in a restful, renewing or inspiring way).  I’ve been dealing with allergies (spring is early this year).  I’m back into the remodeling project and even just planning has me throwing my hands in the air screaming.

I’m always willing to put off the routine to spend time with old friends.

I’ve missed two weeks of blogging.  The first week I new I was likely to miss.  Out of town and no internet handy it was unlikely I would get to it and didn’t make it a priority.  The second week I was still reeling from the effects of having my routines disrupted, again and again.

I talk about Daily Practice a lot.  Although Daily Practice can be part of the routine, I make a distinction for it.  Daily Practice, for me, is a small action with a big impact.  When I take up a Daily Practice it becomes a top priority, a commitment.  Daily Practice requires an attention, and often an attitude shift.

In the crazy of my world, with my routines all a jumble, I hold on to my Daily Practice like a lifeline.  I may not be as efficient, or effective, but I still do it.  I may not manage to get it done in it’s “normal” timeframe, but I still do it.  I may start with “oh shit, I have to do that.”  but I do it.

Spring coming early isn’t all bad. It does make me smile.

This is one of the many reasons for taking up Daily Practice.  Those small things can keep us going when we are physically, emotionally, and mentally out of sorts.  They become a foundation from which we can build a new routine.  They are a simple constant in an ever changing complex world.

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