Posted by lisaspiral
When the year starts off in ways that are difficult or annoying I like to think of it as though I’m getting the “bad stuff” out-of-the-way up front so the rest of the year can go off without a hitch. I don’t really have anything to complain about. I’ve not lost a family member, or been diagnosed with a terminal illness. There have been years like that, but this isn’t one of them.
This year has simply set off the desire to throw a huge pity party. Old habits I suppose, but the new lifestyle doesn’t allow for eating to solve those emotional problems. This of course frustrates me even more. Maybe the stress of the holidays and making choices and being challenged by food (and cold!) has just caught up with me. Or maybe I’ve just spent a little too much time being sociable with my ex. (Family gatherings and all that.)
New years day – evening – put the final cramp in my style. I’d been sitting most of the day. Too tired to move and too stupid to take a nap. When bedtime finally came around (or rather when my ex finally came by to bring Orion home, and left) I stood up. Then I walked around the house going “shit, shit, shit, shit……”
I’ve had a blood clot, a DVT, before. 20 some odd years ago, in that same leg, as a result of my colon cancer. With the calf swollen to the point the skin was tight (and I’ve got plenty of excess skin these days) and pain to stand or walk it sure looked and felt familiar. I also knew that at that time, on that day, with the ex just out the door and Orion looking forward to going back to his day program in the morning it was pointless to do much that night.
I walked around a little more. I packed a bag, knowing that a day in the ER was a distinct possibility and that being admitted, though less likely, wasn’t out of the question. I brought my phone into the bedroom (because if I wasn’t going to be able to walk in the morning I needed to be able to get to a phone.) I elevated the leg and tried to sleep.
The risks that come with a clot are a little lower for me than for most. Because I had one, and still needed the surgery to remove the cancer, they installed a device designed to keep clots from traveling through the main vein into my heart and lungs. It’s not the sort of thing you can have removed – I’ve asked. Elevating the leg did seem to help, it wasn’t quite as swollen in the morning.
None-the-less I am starting off the new year with a “medical complication” and a whole bunch of new meds. I have just doubled the number of doctors appointments I need to have in the next few weeks. I have reduced mobility (just when I was enjoying being able to get around more!) because it still hurts to walk and stand. It’s also bad to just sit so there’s a lot of up and down.
Maybe this is just a little wake up call to remember to continue to pay attention. It’s a reminder to stay active and not fall back into old habits. It’s getting all the bad stuff out-of-the-way at the beginning of the year so that the rest of the year can go swimmingly. When you start from here the rest of the year is likely to go up!