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Help

I need help.

That’s a really hard thing to say.  It’s hard to admit it when I’m overwhelmed.  It’s hard to need help and find there is none available.  It’s hard to accept help without being able to give something back in return.

I’m doing “catch-up” on years of neglect in my house and in my yard.  There is no way I can do it all.  I’m puttering away at little jobs and hoping eventually I’ll get to the rest.  But there’s always something new adding to that “to do” list.

This weekend I chose to ignore a “should”.  I “should” have attended a public ritual.  I’m on the board for the group that sponsored it.  I “should” have gone to the planning meeting, offered to contribute, at least brought something for the pot-luck.  I “should” have, and I pointedly did not.

Instead I stayed home and asked for help.  This was when help was available so this needed to be when I was available to receive it.  I don’t even feel bad for making this choice.  It was necessary.

I didn’t take pictures.  I didn’t document progress.  I didn’t let anyone know until it was done.

My nephew and his family drove an hour and a half (each way) to spend a few hours doing hard labor in my yard.   The gutters got cleaned out.  The beds got raked.  The liners got installed.  The manure got spread around.  The toddlers mostly stayed out of trouble.  Everyone got fed.  I said thank you so much, and they drove away.

So no, I don’t feel bad for neglecting the should.  I feel incredibly grateful for the help and support.  I feel fortunate to be able to “track” toddlers.  I feel lighter knowing that some of those “too big” jobs have been taken care of.  I feel loved.

It’s my sister who is the Mom here.  It’s the mother of 2 toddlers (and a third who spent the day with his Dad) who manages to get the entire family packed up, in the car and still wield a rake; she is the Mom here.  But I got a great mother’s day gift all the same.

My kids did not neglect me in any way.  But Zac and Darcy went out of their way to help out because I said I needed it.  I can’t say thank you enough.

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