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Help

I need help.

That’s a really hard thing to say.  It’s hard to admit it when I’m overwhelmed.  It’s hard to need help and find there is none available.  It’s hard to accept help without being able to give something back in return.

I’m doing “catch-up” on years of neglect in my house and in my yard.  There is no way I can do it all.  I’m puttering away at little jobs and hoping eventually I’ll get to the rest.  But there’s always something new adding to that “to do” list.

This weekend I chose to ignore a “should”.  I “should” have attended a public ritual.  I’m on the board for the group that sponsored it.  I “should” have gone to the planning meeting, offered to contribute, at least brought something for the pot-luck.  I “should” have, and I pointedly did not.

Instead I stayed home and asked for help.  This was when help was available so this needed to be when I was available to receive it.  I don’t even feel bad for making this choice.  It was necessary.

I didn’t take pictures.  I didn’t document progress.  I didn’t let anyone know until it was done.

My nephew and his family drove an hour and a half (each way) to spend a few hours doing hard labor in my yard.   The gutters got cleaned out.  The beds got raked.  The liners got installed.  The manure got spread around.  The toddlers mostly stayed out of trouble.  Everyone got fed.  I said thank you so much, and they drove away.

So no, I don’t feel bad for neglecting the should.  I feel incredibly grateful for the help and support.  I feel fortunate to be able to “track” toddlers.  I feel lighter knowing that some of those “too big” jobs have been taken care of.  I feel loved.

It’s my sister who is the Mom here.  It’s the mother of 2 toddlers (and a third who spent the day with his Dad) who manages to get the entire family packed up, in the car and still wield a rake; she is the Mom here.  But I got a great mother’s day gift all the same.

My kids did not neglect me in any way.  But Zac and Darcy went out of their way to help out because I said I needed it.  I can’t say thank you enough.

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Fiddleheads

It’s raining again, but there is a glorious greening.  I’m missing having a decent camera to catch the new growth.

Forgot to take a selfie, so...

Forgot to take a selfie, so…

I had a Mother/Daughter Mother’s Day.  Orion went off for Sunday with his Dad, as usually.  Karina and her puppy came over to spend the day.  She brought me brownies (and returned my favorite pie pan.)   She took me out for coffee and to the grocery store.  That may not seem like much, but her doing the loading/unloading/putting away was a real treat for me.  We also got some new planters and dirt for my tomato plants.  (They won’t go in for a few more weeks.)   Karina set them all up so they are ready for me when the time comes.

Where's Mom?

Where’s Mom?

She had a massage scheduled, so I also got to babysit the puppy.  Minnie is a sweetie, but she wasn’t quite sure what to make of it when Karina left her alone with me.  Eventually she settled down and we had a bit of quiet reading time.

Nice to have company along with a good book.

Nice to have company along with a good book.

I have so much to be grateful for with both of my kids.  I’m also grateful I got to see my own Mother last week for lunch and talk to her again on Mother’s Day.

This morning I’m of to do orientation for my volunteer gig (check out last week’s post for more about that.)  Then I hope the rain lets up enough for me to gather some fiddleheads for dinner.    MMMMMMM  the taste of spring!0512140850b

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