That’s an impossible statement, but apparently it happened. It’s impossible because he rides Metro Mobility, which pulls up at the house and will come knock on the door for us if we’re not obviously waiting. It’s impossible because we have breakfast in the living room and I sit right next to the window looking out on the driveway. You can’t get to the door to knock without walking past. It’s impossible because the driver says she went back and forth from the bus to the house knocking 3 times this morning. (She knew she was early the first time, so she waited a bit before trying again.)
I didn’t hear a knock, didn’t see the driver walk past. Orion didn’t hear the knock – or at least didn’t say “Oh! There’s my bus! Got to go!” which would be typical if he had heard the knock. Somehow we weren’t paying attention.
Karina called this morning right about this time, so we were talking on the phone. Breakfast, a phone call, I had a computer game running, I may have been a little distracted. Karina had stayed up late at a Super Bowl party and gone into work right afterward so this was her “call you after work” daily check in. She’s a baker, so going into work at 2am rather than 6am isn’t a big deal. Getting a call when I’m waiting for the bus in the morning, rather than when I’m waiting for Orion to come home in the afternoon, apparently is a big deal. I wasn’t paying attention.
Karina was a little tired, didn’t get any sleep last night. I’ve not been sleeping well either. Being tired makes paying attention more difficult. It’s harder to focus. I’m not sleeping because I’m struggling with pain management. That kind of chronic pain can be a distraction as well. Paying attention to too many things isn’t paying attention.
Orion and I are taking an adaptive yoga class. Mind Body Solutions offers a class at Courage Kenny Rehabilitation Institute. Yoga is all about being in the moment, paying attention to your body, trusting the messages your body sends. We signed up for the class because I needed something to help me start moving. I guess I need as much help with simply paying attention.
A lot of Spiritual practices are focused on paying attention. That fully focused, in my body, in the moment attention is a struggle for me. I don’t usually miss a lot. I “multi-task” and I have a highly tuned “fill-in-the-blanks” function in my head. It would be a good thing for me to work a little harder at practicing full attention spirituality.
I may not be sleeping well, but it makes it easier to remember my dreams. I was dreaming I was driving in the snow with Orion and messing about on my phone. I wasn’t texting. I think I was trying to find an address. I caught myself traveling blocks (blocks I used to ride my bike on as a kid) without looking at the road. Scary. Not paying attention. Even my subconscious is sending me hints.
Do you catch yourself not paying attention?